


Cold as you

by MaroonDragon



Series: Songs of lovers [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Dubious Consent, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, i own nothing, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:17:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaroonDragon/pseuds/MaroonDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony didn't quite know how he had ended up in this twisted abusive relationship. All he knew that Loki was a drug an he would be the addict. That he would do anything for the psychopath. He was sure of one thing though: He would never be as cold as Loki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold as you

**Author's Note:**

> These are two songfics of which the first was originally meant as a oneshot in Tony's pov, but because I got inspired and someone wanted another one I wrote one from Loki's point of view as well.  
> I'm not really happy about the name of the series so if you have a suggestion please tell me ^^

Tony wasn’t sure how he had exactly ended up at this point. He had tried and failed to see the point where he had taken the wrong turn, when he had started to head off to the point where crashing was inevitable. Oh he could pinpoint the exact spot when this whole thing had started, that was the easy part really. No, his trouble was trying to figure out where he had lost all control. The moment where Loki had gotten all the power in whatever this fucked up relationship was.

 

_“Hello Stark.” The voice came from some point near the windows and Tony did not need to see the outline of those tall horns to know who was standing there. He pondered for a moment getting his suit, but he knew they were downstairs for maintenance. He would be death before he could get them._

_“Is there a reason for this unpleasant visit, Loki?” Just stay cool. Would the god be able to smell the fear like dogs could? He sincerely hoped not, because the smell would probably be wafting of him like his cologne._

_“I am just collecting on an offer you once made me.” Smug bastard. “I really would like to have a drink.” And drink they did. He should have known that the glint in Loki’s eyes meant danger. He should have known that the god would not be affected by whatever alcohol he put in front of him. He should have stopped those wandering hands more violently and he should have never cried out in pleasure. In the end, the only thing that was left, was a numbness and a hunger for more._

 

 **You have a way of coming easily to me**  
 **And when you take, you take the very best of me**  
 **So I start a fight cause I need to feel something**  
 **And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wante** d  


He had tried to put up more resistance the time after that, but trying to stop an immortal being proved rather fruitless. So Tony had given in. Had tried to convince himself that he did not want it and was only doing it to keep himself alive. He ignored the fact that the only moments he really seemed to be feeling like himself again was when he could touch the god’s skin. When he could taste the little drops of sweat on his chest, so much like peppermint and chocolate. He hated it.

 

So he didn’t protest physically anymore, but his words became more vicious. He wanted the god to feel the pain he was putting him through. He wanted to feel something and at the same time he wanted to stop feeling all together. When he was numb, when he could not feel that intense longing, he could pretend he was alright. He could pretend that he did not want Loki to want him for more than a good lay.

 

_“Are you not going to struggle anymore Stark? What a shame I was enjoying myself with that.” Loki murmured as he pushed him on the bed, biting at his neck._

_“Fuck you, Loki. Don’t you think it’s rather pathetic that you have to fucking rape someone to get them to sleep with you.” The remark earned him a bite that punctured skin and the pain felt heavenly._

_“You and I both know that I can have you in any way I want, Stark. You didn’t seem to mind it the first time and you are hardly resisting now.” Those deliciously long fingers started to work on his clothing._

_“Really, did your daddy never tell you that no actually means I do not want it?” The hand that squeezed his cock harshly, reminded him exactly who was in charge. Loki might be in charge of this, but he would never get Tony to break down_.

  
**Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day**   
**Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say**   
**And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through**   
**I've never been anywhere cold as you**   


As he gulped down the scotch in his glass he almost chuckled at his naïve thoughts back then. Loki had played him and he had danced to the devil’s tune. He had watched the god leave time and time again when he had gotten what he wanted and still his addled brain could not hate him. Every time his conscience started to work and tell him to go and tell Pepper, or Rhodey, or the other Avengers he would hesitate. If he turned Loki in he would never be able to satisfy that hunger anymore. He would never have the god come to him and touch him. Never hear that silky voice whisper terrifying things in his ear.

 

He could fool his mind into thinking it was just lust, but he knew the words he wanted to hear whispered by those beautiful lips: I care for you. I want you. I need you. He would never hear them however, but he could wait. As long as the god still came to him, he could believe that there was some hope that someday his affection might just be returned. As he took another sip of the burning drink he thought back on all the little things Loki had done to make him fall so hard. He always had considered himself a cold person. He just didn’t do love. He had not even been able to love Pepper properly. As he sat down with his back against the tall window he realized something. He was a cold person but he would never be as cold as Loki.

 

_“So very beautiful.” Loki crooned as he looked at Tony, fingering the blue arc reactor in his chest. Tony had nothing to say and only looked up at the god sitting on top of him. The expression ‘the body of a god’ was truly fitting when it came to Loki. It had been the first time however that Loki had complimented him. As he felt a hand wrap itself around his cock, only to be replaced just as quickly with a mouth, he wondered what he had done to get such a treatment._

_“So well behaved…” Ah, so that had been it. He had played along with the game and those that behave well get  a treat. He felt like an animal who wanted its owner’s affection. Well he got affection alright. That entire night Loki’s attention was solely focused on making him feel good first and the god’s own needs second. For a moment Tony could believe the god wanted him just as much, but as morning came round there was another empty pillow and the sweet smell of peppermint. The craving however had intensified. Loki was a drug and he was the addict. He would play to the devil’s tune so long as he wouldn’t have to detox._

 

  
**You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray**   
**And I stood there loving you and wished them all away**   
**And you come away with a great little story**   
**Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you**   


He had tried of course. Try and make the god see reason. Convince him to stop killing, to stop fighting the avengers. Loki was stubborn however and proud. He would never admit defeat no matter how often he lost the battle. For Tony it was hell. Every battle he watched as the god took blow after blow, hoping that he would survive and other moments wishing he would just die.

 

If the god was death he could not come back to Tony. He could not enter his bedroom, order him around and get what he wanted. He would no longer kill harmless people, break down his precious city and taint his memories with blood. Yet, he could not make himself fire the worst things his suit have to offer, because he could not live with himself if he killed the god. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he had ended up in some sort of twisted and abusive relationship and that he should run. Run and stay away from all the temptations the god had to offer. Tony knew however that no matter however Loki lost the battle, he had lost the war.

_“Thirty people, death!” He yelled at the god as he felt the familiar tremble in the air that told him the man had arrived. “Thirty god damn people died, because of you and your fucking daddy issues!” The hard slap he received made his head go sideways._

_“You knew who I was when I first entered your bed Stark, you could have prevented all of this if you just had called your friends to warn them about me. Tell them where they could find me, but you didn’t. Tell me, why didn’t you?” those loving fingers traced the already forming bruise on his face. He knew why he hadn’t. He had failed so many people, because his heart had failed him._

_“Why can’t you just give this up. You will never win and all you cause is destruction.” He leaned into the pale hand that continued to stroke his warm skin._

_“And do what? Play domestics with you?” The eyes were narrowed and his lips were set in a sneer. One of his nails drew blood._

_“Wouldn’t that be better than constantly having your ass kicked by my team? It would save you a lot of trouble if you just gave up, because one day we are going to capture you and then you will be send to SHIELD for some lovely little tests. Maybe they will break all your bones, just to see if you can take it.” He was being harsh and violent and he knew that Loki would pay him back for those words with even harsher actions._

_“Oh how precious you are. So very mortal and weak. Do you really think I could ever love you? There is only one thing I need from you Stark and you do well to remember it.” Tony wondered how the god ever thought he could forget. He called Pepper the next day, telling her he would not be coming into work because he was sick. The truth was that Loki had paid him back for his words._

  
**Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day**  
 **Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say**  
 **And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through**  
 **I've never been anywhere cold as you**  
  
 **You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you**  
 **And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you**  
 **(Died for you)**

****

The drops of water that slowly slid down the glass reminded Tony of the tears he would never shed. His drinking habits, which had only worsened, were the sign of his troubled mind not mindless tears that would help no one. The one thing he hated about this whole thing, was the fact that he had no one else to blame. He could not put the blame on Loki, really. The guy had always been straightforward in what he wanted and never gave any indication that he might just actually feel anything for him besides lust. He was a plaything that would be discarded the moment Loki got bored with him and he feared the state of destruction that would follow.

 

He wasn’t sure whether it was in the god’s plans, or if it was merely an added bonus, but the relationship between him and the other avengers began to deteriorate. He was hyper aware that what he was doing was treason of the highest degree, which made him jumpy. Steve had started to ask questions about three weeks after the first ‘meeting’. Pepper had looked at him with those accusing blue eyes of her after a month of calling in sick regularly. Bruce had thankfully been absent, but the threat of talking to Natasha and accidently spilling something had given him nightmares. After blowing up a couple of times, screaming at them he was fine, goddamnit! They left him alone. They stopped talking to him, avoiding his grumpy mood, but the eyes still kept a close watch on him. Every time it felt as if they knew and were accusing him silently. If the truth ever came out that he was sleeping with the enemy it would destroy everything he had lived for. He would lose his business, he would lose the team, he would lose Pepper and Rhodey. Yet, he knew, that if anyone asked him: Do you regret it? he would say no. He would die and Loki would just watch him bleed out.

 

_“Tony?” He heard Pepper call out as he pulled his head away from the god’s neck. For a moment he froze. What was he supposed to do? How could he explain the situation to her? He was absolutely unable to think as he watched the door handle turn down and the door open up. “Oh god, Tony could you not tell me you were busy, so I wouldn’t come in.” She groaned, and he watched in astonishment as she covered her eyes. Why was she not screaming? He took a look at Loki only to find a beautiful black haired woman in his place._

_“Uh….sorry Pep, I got distracted.” He muttered. The female looked hardly anything like Loki, if you didn’t count the black hair, but those sparkling green eyes that conveyed so much hatred betrayed him._

_“Yes, well I will leave the papers on the coffee table then. Sign them when you’re finished.” He let out a sigh of relief as she left the room. Her visit however hit home when he realized how messed up the situation was. He shrugged off the, now entirely male, hands that wrapped themselves around his shoulders. He really wasn’t in the mood anymore._

_“What’s wrong pet, has it finally hit you then?” Loki smirked up at him, totally at ease with everything while Tony felt like a walking wreck._

_“We need to stop this! This will ruin everything…leave and don’t fucking come back.” The god looked murderous._

_“Don’t you understand Stark, there is no turning back! You already have my marks all over your body and I intend to keep claiming it until I get bored with you. Do you understand that Stark, you are mine and there is nothing you can do to stop that.” Loki was right and that night after the god had been satisfied he went into the bathroom and stared for hours at the bottle of pain killers. It would have been so easy. In the end he was a coward and went for the bottle to forget it for only a moment. Because he would always go back to Loki, always._  
  
 **Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day**  
 **Every smile you fake is so condescending**  
 **Counting all the scars you made**

****

“Stark, what are you doing over there?” For a moment Tony wasn’t sure whether it was a memory speaking, but when a hand reached out to stroke his face he knew the god had come once again.

 

“Thinking, trying to figure out how I ended up being this fucked up.” He muttered. For once he didn’t lean into those soft fingers that could become so cruel so very quick. Loki took the glass from his fingers and down the last of the scotch.

 

“I think there are too many reasons for that and too little paper to write them all on.” When he didn’t respond he was tugged up harshly at his arm, only to be enveloped in a brutal kiss. He responded, like he always did, with equal force. He pretended not to notice the way Loki’s fingers trailed all the marks he had left on Tony’s body or the way he smiled so wickedly when he made another wound. The man was a psychopath, unable to love. Once Tony believed himself incapable of love, it bothered him that it had to be this person who proved him wrong. As the god dropped down next to him, spend and sated Tony could only whisper one thing to Loki’s grinning face. Which would be his last words he realized as two pale hands closed around his neck.   


 “I will never be as cold as you.”

****

**_And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through  
I've never been anywhere cold as you_ **


End file.
